LIFE: The holidays can be a tough time after the loss of a loved one. Each event or holiday will be a first for me. Our wedding anniversary is coming up a few days before Christmas. Christmas eve and Christmas day will all give me a chance to reflect on my life with Kathy. I’ve continued going to my two support groups at UConn Health Center; and the dementia caregivers group at the Wilbraham Library. I feel remarkably lucky to be where I am now. Don’t get me wrong. I miss Kathy every day. I look at her art and photographs, but I realize it was her time. 
I started to decorate the house with the one green light strand I bought a few years ago. I realized the new porch railing I made was kind of Christmasy looking with the star cutouts. Rocky’s Hardware Store had green lights marked down so I picked up two small sets for the new railings. It was actually all they had left. I guess there is an advantage to having a house that is painted green. I also created a wreath from an old toilet seat I was saving. I knew there was an unexplainable reason it was still in my life.
I put up the two mini trees that Kathy and I bought years ago at Target, in the living room. There were originally three of them, but the momma tree died a year or two ago so Tuesday I took it to the dump. I also hung our retro plastic blow-molded Santa light on the porch. It is one of my prized possessions. I have used it for several Christmas cards through the years and it is a versatile prop that was originally manufactured near my hometown in central Massachusetts.
Music: In music news, my gig at the Blackthorne Tavern in Southeastern Massachusetts was a lot of fun. There were some excellent musicians on hand to play. I performed for about 30 minutes or so. My ‘playlist’ has evolved. It used to be I was afraid to do serious songs or self-conscious to sing love songs from the stage. I was that funny guy. I called what I did Stand-Up Folk. But at the Blackthorne, I mixed in a few love songs. I am getting better at talking about Kathy on stage. But my story still needs editing.
There is a fine line between reaching the audience and depressing the crap out of them.
I credit my friend and fellow songwriter Don White with telling me that the humor works better mixed in with the serious songs. They help each other out. I ignored Don’s advice for years but now I get it. It’s the way life is. Don was just declared cancer-free so he knows about that life stuff. They passed the hat for the memorial fund for Kathy and people were very generous.
I also met up with my oldest friend from childhood in Fitchburg. Anthony and his wife Susan came up from Rhode Island. It was great to see him even though it was a little sad that Kathy wasn’t there. He is a Pediatric Rheumatologist at UMass Medical now. The last time I had seen them his mother had turned 100 and there was a big birthday party for her. I remember even though it taxed Kathy to go to it, she was glad we went. As her Huntington’s got worse, she couldn’t handle crowds, noise and a lot of stimulation. Anthony and I have been friends since the third grade at Julie Country Day School in Leominster. The nuns were pretty tough on us, but we survived, more or less. His mom and my mom were both Italian and remained very close friends.
Tony and I would be in and out of touch. I remember one summer when we were both probably freshmen in college, we decided to take a ride out to the Berkshires. Alice’s Restaurant had just come out and one of us said, “Let’s see if we can find Alice’s Restaurant.” I think it was already closed, but we drove out anyway. We went up and down different roads near Stockbridge and finally asked someone walking on a road if he knew where it was. He pointed over to a woman walking toward a neighborhood party and said, “Well that’s Alice Brock if you want to talk to her.” Anthony walked up to Alice, pointed to the dinky camera hanging around my neck and told her, “Peter is a photographer for Time Magazine. Can we take some photos?” (I was going to college to learn photojournalism, eventually.) Alice looked at me. She looked at him and said, “Sure, have some pie while you’re here.” Somewhere I have some photos of hippies at a birthday party in Stockbridge. I had no idea that the connection with Woody Guthrie and the Huntington’s Disease that was in that movie would later be a part of my own experience.
There has been absolutely no hint of winter this Winter. So far. Yet. Knock on wood. Marty and I go for our walks and by the time we get back I wish I had left my jacket at home. I know it will change eventually. But for weeks, it has been in the 50s and 60s. The irises and lilies are starting to come up.
I was worried about my old snowblower. I really didn’t do the proper maintenance thing when I parked it in spring. I didn’t run all the gas out of it. Or change the oil. I did put Stabil in the gas, but I didn’t start it every once in a while like you are supposed to. I did get it to fire up once by spraying some starting fluid into the spark plug hole. The electric starter was now dead. And the gear shift lever was rusted into second gear. It wouldn’t budge. I figured if I could get it started, being stuck in second is better than nothing. I was hoping to limp through a winter with the thing until I decide whether I’m staying or moving. I decided not to try to pull the thing apart to prove my mechanical prowess. And I couldn’t visualize any alternative decorating ideas for a dead snowblower. I started calling repair shops, but it seemed like they wanted $40 or so each way for pick-up and delivery. And $30 to find out what was wrong with it.
But I found a guy! There was a listing on Craigslist for someone that fixes your snowblower and gives it a tune-up for $45 dollars. I figured it was worth a shot. Angelo is a retired Marine that fixes stuff. He says he doesn’t need the money because he has a pension from Uncle Sam. “I just need to keep busy and I love to fish. Basically, I just need bait money.” I asked how much to pick-up and deliver and that was included in the $45 fee. If there were any new parts he would have to charge me for that. Anyway, he was great and honest and brought the old thing back in a couple of days along with parts of his life story in the bargain.
Hospice care for snowblowers. Angelo managed to get everything to work okay but said it was at the end of its’ usable life. I should maintain it but the engine is starting to lose compression and the actual body is falling apart. He said, “So, don’t let anyone sell you an engine or anything.” Part of the reason I couldn’t shift it was that a family of mice had moved in and built a condo in there. He takes photos of his repairs in case someone complains. Over the phone, he told me that the electric starter was gone and it was expensive to fix. But when he delivered the snowblower he said he found enough parts to put one together. He replaced one of the belts with one he had in his shop and changed all of its’ fluids. I gave him extra money for the great service and referred him to my friend Charlie.
Update on Fundraising: The fund for Kathy’s memorial and exhibit has reached about $2500. I’ve used some of the money to repair some of her art before I rephotograph it. I will be sending all contributors a pdf of the catalog with all the art. And larger contributors will get a printed copy. I’m looking into other thank you gifts too. Right now it is looking like there will only be one exhibit near Hampden or Springfield someplace. I found that figuring out the second exhibit for the UConn Health Center was adding to my stress level. So, for the time being that idea is off. I am working on other fundraising ideas for the Huntington’s Program at UConn.