Stuff

I have been dealing with an accumulation of stuff.
Over 60 years worth of stuff.

Stuff can be all kinds of stuff. Some of it is mental stuff. Some of it is just stuff-stuff. Some of the physical stuff, things, or crap has definite connections to the mental stuff, memories, joys and sorrows.

Before Kathy passed away I couldn’t bring myself to get rid of certain things. I knew there was no chance she would ever wear her cowboy boots again. Or wear any of her winter coats. I did bring many bags of things to the Salvation Army and to Goodwill. When she could still say a few words I thought about asking her if I should give away certain things like self-help books and art supplies. I know she would have whispered, “Sure.” But I figured there was a chance she would feel sad. I let it go. I was busy getting rid of the cases of underwear that kept filling the basement.

It has been one month since Kathy passed away. And a month since the donate-to-science-funeral-fiasco. Today I received an invitation to drop by her funeral home and pick up a “Remembrance Ornament” with her name on it. Last week they sent me a “customer service survey.” They wanted to know how happy I was with their service. Seriously? But, I digress.

Kathy’s clothes

Kathy loved her clothes. She loved to shop at yard sales and thrift stores. She loved that there were surprises on every rack. She would find some pretty imaginative things to wear, from an old rabbit coat (that drove our dogs crazy) to vintage dresses and cowboy shirts. I could tell when she really liked something because she wouldn’t wear it right away. She was “Saving it.” She bought a nicer winter coat but kept wearing the one that had a part-time zipper. “You are saving your new coat, aren’t you?” as I tried to bundle her up. She smiled.

Eventually, she stopped paying attention to what she was wearing. It happens with Huntington’s disease. Once I took over the laundry duties, I realized many of those clothes were turning to rags. She started putting the same clothes on every day, so I would sneak in and shuffle the pile of clothes. Once we moved the bedroom downstairs into the dining room, I started helping her dress. It was a gradual shift to full caregiving.

I had thought about trying to sell her clothes. I thought about doing something online or on Craig’s List. I visited a consignment shop, too but, I would have to dry clean everything. And there were only certain brands they were looking for. Some of her tops and nightgowns had to be thrown out anyway. I split some of them up the back to make it easier to dress her in bed. There were also some shirts and tops that we put on backwards. It was easier than forcing her to roll back and forth. I removed most of the buttons too. So that stuff became rags or was discarded.

In the end, I decided to donate most of Kathy’s clothes to the Community Survival Center. Ironically it is only a block away from that funeral home in Springfield. The Community Survival Center operates a food pantry as well and serves Hampden as well as the county. I made a list of all the stuff so that I could make up a realistic tax receipt for said stuff. I separated different types of clothing into different plastic bags: Hospital gowns, a big bag of sweaters, winter coats and a bag of shoes. I did keep a few of her nicer things for a Spring porch sale at a date TBA. 

I think Kathy would have liked the thrift store they had. It is small but packed with nice stuff. At one point, I was worried about seeing her clothes on a rack somewhere or, god forbid, on another woman! But that passed. Those clothes are in all of her photos and in my memory. That is stuff I’ll hang onto.

The fundraiser Remembering Kathy Lehndorff seems to be going pretty well so far. As of this writing, we are over 50% of the goal that is listed. The Hampden-Wilbraham newspaper may do an article about it and the UConn Health Center is interested in putting on one of the exhibits. As usual I underestimated how much to raise. But it all helps in the end.