Open mics: My music therapy

I’m doing pretty well, thanks.

People ask how I’m doing and I’m glad they do. There were too many times I held back telling people I was sorry for their own loss. Or was afraid to ask how they were doing. I always told Kathy I loved her because I knew the time was coming when I couldn’t.

Sunday as I was walking Marty, I met one of my neighbors. She asked how I was doing. Her partner had passed away a few years ago. He was Hampden’s unofficial historian, I guess. He knew a lot about the old houses in town and would give me advice. He let me read some of his historic writing too. He didn’t want an obituary or a memorial of any kind, so his death slipped by me for over a year. Since I wasn’t going out as much, I didn’t know. She said she was doing well now, “for the most part.” I told her about my funeral home fiasco. She told me about hers. Bill just wanted to be cremated. She said that even with a cardboard casket it still cost $3,000. I always assumed that they were married. But once he passed away from cancer it turned out they wouldn’t allow her to cremate him because she wasn’t his spouse. She had to contact his estranged son who was ‘philosophically opposed to cremation.’ But four days later the signature arrived. Death is easier for the dead. I did tell her that if she ever needs a spare set of hands to do anything to call me. She probably won’t. She is so proud of her independence. 

Music has always been a form of therapy for me.

When I was lonely in high school and college, my guitar was my escape. Recently, when Kathy was sick, I could still reach out to my musician friends to sing and record with them on the internet. And there is nothing better than getting someone else to laugh at a song or a phrase. Or a pun. Lately, I’ve started going out to a few ‘open mic nights’. There are cobwebs after a ten-year layoff. The fear of screwing up is a good distraction for my other stuff. If a song goes well it makes me feel normal. If I can make someone laugh it is a bonus. Kathy always had kept me company on the long drives back and forth. She usually felt it was an interesting night. She had heard my songs and my stories a million times. So she was more interested in what everyone else would do.

I admit that I felt funny going out for the first time without Kathy. You start to wonder if you aren’t mourning long enough. Is it too soon? I am half Italian and I can remember one woman who helped out at my friends family restaurant. I can’t remember her name or her story, but she was dressed in black for the rest of her life. But with Huntington’s Disease I have been grieving for years as bit by bit of Kathy disappeared. There is no perfect time. The first open stage I went to as part of my “Cobweb Tour” was at the Blackthorne Tavern in Easton Massachusetts. It was a long drive for Marty and I. The town is between Foxboro, where the Patriots were having a football game, and Plymouth, where Kathy and I lived when we got married. It’s not that far from the Cape. I picked this open mic because it was so far away. I wouldn’t know anyone and no one would know me. It was also a Sunday afternoon event and that was a plus.

I have always liked open mics. You never know what you will see or hear. You get to see a mixture of folks willing to risk a lot just to put themselves out there. A high school kid got up there with a brand new electric guitar. Her dad was beaming at her from the audience. She was as nervous as hell but you could tell that she probably had a nice voice. The guitar will get better with practice. And the nerves will go away. The hosts and audience were encouraging. Then there were some great musicians that were my age or older. Vic Wotherspoon did some old Piedmont blues on his 1930s Martin. I could learn a lot hanging around him. There was a drummer named Billy and a great lead guitarist named Kevin that joined in on some songs. We each did a couple of songs. I didn’t say much about my life saga. I did a new song that was really about Kathy and another one of my old tunes. I did okay. The food was pretty good too. Marty and I hit the traffic leaving the football game on the way home. But it wasn’t too bad. The next day or so I heard back from Andy, one of the hosts that they wanted me to be the open mic feature in December. So, the first gig in my comeback tour is set up. It might also be used to fundraise for the memorial fund too. 

The following Wednesday I was supposed to play guitar over at my friend Charlie’s house in Hampden. But there was a voicemail from him that he ‘probably’ couldn’t make it that night. He was in the hospital with a ‘heart issue’ but he thought he was going home the next day. They had to do a procedure on his heart to get it to beat regularly. I guess if he was a car he would be getting his timing adjusted. He is my oldest friend from around Hampden and I was thinking, “Crap, just what I need now.” But he’s ok and we’ve gotten together the last two Mondays to practice instead.

On some Wednesdays, I go to a wonderful open mic at Luthier’s Co-op in Easthampton MA. That’s a 45 minute ride from Hampden. But almost everything is far from Hampden. Luthier’s is a music store by day; and a bar with music at night. There were a bunch of old friends there. They came up to say hello and how sorry they were about Kathy. It was nice. When I went to shake one friend’s hand I managed to knock my beer onto my lap. So, I was sticky by the time I got on stage. I probably looked like I peed in my pants, too. There was some amazing talent that first night. All types of acoustic stuff, originals and covers. Lots of guitars but also ukuleles and a clarinet. Then last Thursday I went to a brand new open mic at the Bing Theater in Springfield. Kathy and I used to go there for budget movies when we moved here in the late 80s. It was named after Bing Crosby and is now a non-profit community arts center. Until they can raise more money all the events are held in the former theater lobby. They had a nice sound system and a concession stand. There are also two small galleries and I might check into that for Kathy’s art shows. The open mic was unique because I was the only performer that showed up. Singer-songwriter Amy Porchelli and her brother, Aaron were the host performers. So they did a few songs and then I got up and did a few. Then we did another round. By the time I went home I think I might have done nine or ten songs. I was very relaxed and invited one of the other musicians to play lead guitar with me. There were a few people in the audience, but they weren’t willing to step on stage. I even tried to coax them a little. 

I’m not expecting too much at first on my Cobweb Tour. I’m assuming I will forget words or a chord or two. I just need to have fun for a change.