LIFE: Thursday I started going through some of Kathy’s clothes and things. I was trying to decide what to keep and what to give away. Taking care of someone with Huntington’s or any terminal disease is a long goodbye process. You need to give yourself time to breathe and time to grieve and I’d rather do it a little bit at a time.
I kept looking in closets and cupboards and there was a part of me in denial. He was saying to himself, Self, what if Kathy gets better? And finds out I gave away her clothes? She will be royally pissed.” Then I would think I can deal with it “later” or “after”. There will be so much to do “after” that it felt good to tackle a few bags of it. Shelley, one of Kathy’s aides was here to help. She really just held the bags open but it made it go fast. Then on Monday if I get a chance I will bring it to the Salvation Army. Our aide, Hope goes by a Goodwill or the Salvation Army too.
I have a lot of weaning of my stuff to do. I’m starting to admire the “tiny house movement.” I’m thinking I could live that way “after.” Unfortunately, I would need at least ten or fifteen caboose sized tiny homes for my “stuff.” The tiny cul-de-sac? Eliminating clutter in my life is a challenge. Saturday is dump day in Hampden and I look forward to bringing my recycling, because I usually bring some good stuff back with me. I can’t understand why people give away some of the things they give away. What story goes with it? I wonder if people will wonder why some of Kathy’s cute clothes are at the Salvation Army.
Kathy loved to be creative with her clothes. She loved to put together her outfits and was an arty dresser. We never had much money to buy new clothes. But we both preferred to shop at thrift stores because there was more variety. The clothes seemed softer. They didn’t have that Marshall’s chemical smell.
A few years ago it became obvious that Kathy was having trouble dressing herself. I remember glancing at one of her medical records at UConn. It said she was “disheveled.” When we still had the bedroom upstairs a year or two ago, I tried every way I could think of to get her to wear a different outfit each day. I noticed she was wearing exactly the same T-shirt each day because it was easier, I guess. I started sneaking in and shuffling her clothes.
When we moved the bedroom downstairs I started dressing her. I tried to give her a choice between two tops or two pants and whether to wear shoes or sneakers. With Huntington’s it is better to give the patient a limited choice – this or that– so they don’t have to make a decision. She wears a hospital johnny most days. When it is hot, she wears a T-shirt cut up the back almost to the neckline. They are easier to put on her. She hasn’t worn pants since she went to the hospital. A nurse called and said we forgot them and they would be at the desk. I told them not to worry about them.